Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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