just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
