I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
