at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
