I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
3pm strippers are depressing
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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