I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
