I will die if light touches me.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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