it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
