I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
