Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
