You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
