Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
