You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
