Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
