Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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