My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
why do cheetos always look like penises
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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