please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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