and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
