you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
