Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Found the puke drawer
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
