foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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