doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
