Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
