I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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