I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
