so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
