remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
