WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
