hotel room ftw
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
