Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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