Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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