i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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