Sry I called you an 8
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
