I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think i have herpe
just one?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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