Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
