So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize