she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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