Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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