i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You smell like stripper and shame
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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