The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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