girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
