4 words: hood of his car
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
