Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
