So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
