Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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