I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
