Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
