well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
