u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
