I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
