He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
