Umm I'm too high to move.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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