Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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