I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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