He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
