I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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