I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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