im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
