FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
