and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
