Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
