I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Me. At least after what I've been through.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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