you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
