stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
