I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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