Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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