Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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