Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
