Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
