Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
