i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
