i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
