Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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