I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sex in a hospital.. check
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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