the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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