So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
