She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
