If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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